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New Music - The Ineffectiveness of Rhythm
I recorded a new song tonight. Partially to use my M-Audio Firewire 410. Partially to take my mind off the stuff below.
It's not a requiem or a memorial or a tribute or anything like that. I'm not really sure what it is in fact. But, I can say, it's certainly original J. LeRoy music. Click on the "Listen to J. LeRoy Music" link to the left. It is called The Ineffectiveness of Rhythm.
Loss and Discovery
I don't know how many of you know that about 18 months ago my wife and I got well into the process of having a baby when we lost the child. It has happened again. Massive chromosomal damage that the doctors have declared "a horrible run of bad luck."
They weren't being mean. They were actually reassuring us that it was random chance and not anything genetic or that we went and did.
But it is still pretty nasty to deal with. We are near to the point of being too old to try again and the first two times haven't actually eneded in what one would call a rousing way.
It sort of feels like this...
You are eating dinner with God.
God points across the room at a person and says "That's the person you will fall in love with. The person whom you will love unconditionally. You will live for that person as they will for you. You will gain strength from and strengthen that person. You will nourish that person and that act of nourishment will bring you joy, no matter how hard it may be. That person will define your existence."
You strain your eyes across the restaurant to see the person, but it's hazy. There's glare. You can't quite see the person, but you know it's a special one. You shake with anticipation. You are totally focused. Just waiting for their arrival. By definition this person is divine, is a miracle.
Then, just as the person starts to come into focus, the person disappears. God disappears. The restaurant disappears.
And you are forced to ask, "What just happened? Was it something I did? Was I not worthy? Did I screw up?" But the only reply you receive is a deafening lack of a reply.
You Quiet Readers
You readers are so quiet. I get about 100 visitors a day, but so little comments in the comments area. This makes me feel lonely. And when I'm lonely I mope around and stare out the window. I tend to withdraw. Then interest rates go up, the economy falters, we end up participating in unsound military maneuvers, more children don't pass standardized tests, people become fatter and, ultimately, large chunks of space ice slam into North America.
Obviously, your lack of comments has caused most of this list to come true already. That last one is fairly scary. So I'd appreciate some comments.
The History of my "Blog"
It is 2004. We have put men on the moon, driven race cars on Mars, created several dietary suppliments to replace sugar that have wound up worse than sugar, and elected two dolts from the same family president and are suprised at the outcome.
But we also have Blogs.
I started my blog on Blogger in 2001 when I first discovered .... no wait ...
I started my blog in 1995, when I bought the ourfounder.com domain name. It mutated and evolved and ... but wait ...
I started my blog in 1981 when I started writing BVI-Central in Grand Island, Nebraska. It was on paper. Then we called them Zines (pronounced like means and not mines). A PerZine was later coined to separate out personal zines from silly zines or political zines or art zines or sex zines or fan zines or zine zines. The biggest Zine zine was Factsheet Five. It was the Blogdex of Zines. You'd get your copy every month and read about all the zines and send off for ones that you wanted to read.
The result of your "click" generally took about 2 weeks to pay off.
But we zine writers had a community just like the blogging community. And we declared our Samizdat to be the saviour of all thought, philosophy and human existence. And we told ourselves anyone could do it because all you needed was a friend who worked at Kinkos around 1 am and you had all the access to publishing you'd ever need. But there were those in the zine community who said we were elitist kids with access to photocopies which were too expensive for the really poor people who still didn't have a voice.
To be sure there's a lot that's different about blogging. It's similar to the differences between letter writing and e-mail, though.
Blogs are fast paced. I'd never make a zine that just said that I wasn't going to make a zine for a few days (see below). Blogs are built for speed. This is what I'm thinking this instant! They say. Blogs are headline news.
I very much enjoy my blog. But I certainly don't put the care into writing it as I did my zines. The big bloggers today do not approach the eloquence of the zine writers of the past. Except, perhaps for old zine writers.
At any rate, I'm no longer a zine writer. I'm a speed typin', link slingin', traceback lovin' blogger who, hopefully, someday, will be able to web the two worlds.
So you can read this other article about how blogs are novel because they do what Zines did, but no one remembers zines any more.
I'm out of the blogfice
My parents are visiting. You may recall they are trendsetters.
They will be here until tomorrow morning. Then I'm going to start recording some new tracks to complete my next CD The Ineffectiveness Series. I have decided to focus rather heavily on this, so I'm going to be posing songs for you to listen to.
Hopefully I can focus more on music and less on politics for a month or so.
One bit of good news is that we received a long overdue check from one of our clients. So the long winter of moneylessness is over .... for a while.
Chatting about George
[14:47] ourfounder872: http://slate.msn.com/id/2098861/
[15:11] ay: that's a reasonable sample of presidential detachment, although I have to admit I bristle a little at the "smoking gun" tone... implying that, if only GW had been back at his desk earning his pay, 9/11 would never have happened. Don't get me wrong, I'm not planning on voting for him -- I think he's a shallow rube who's way out of his element on any policy matters of substance -- but I don't think 9/11 is his fault.
[15:11] ay: just my two cents :-)
[15:11] ourfounder872: I think most people would agree.
[15:12] ourfounder872: But he's passing himself off as security god, when he was apparently asleep at the wheel.
[15:13] ay: he's trying to pass himself off as a leader. I don't know anyone who buys that. I certainly don't.
[15:13] ay: did you see the press conference?
[15:14] ourfounder872: It's sort of like someone hit the ball into deep left field, if someone ran really really really really fast, they would be able to catch it. 99% of people wouldn't' be able to catch it, everyone knows that. But Bush stood there, watched it arc, watched it fall to the ground, walked, picked it up and said "See how I caught the ball?"
[15:14] ourfounder872: There's like a certain credit you get for effort.
[15:15] ay: point taken
[15:15] ay: his manner at those things reminds me of an insecure teenager who's trying to bluster his way to looking confident. When somebody asks him a tough question, instead of looking like he's considering the weight of the question, he thinks for a second, then his face lights up like "ooh, ooh, I remember we did that one in the rehearsal!! I know, I know!!"
[15:16] ay: I half expect him to turn around and high-five an aid
[15:16] ay: aide
[15:16] ourfounder872: When he gets that impulse ... he sort of smiles ... like "They told me to expect that one."
[15:17] ay: right... exactly. That smile really makes me sick.
[15:17] ourfounder872: He's a lot more comfortable than he used to be. He used to look scared. Now he looks filled with contempt. As if informing the public is beneath him.
[15:18] ay: I don't know... I still see scared.
My Parents are Trendsetters
When the last elections were going on my parents - lifelong Republicans - told me that they thought George Bush was such a sorry excuse for a man that they were not going to vote for him. Then he won. Apparently my father was very upset. My mother said, "Well, it's only four years, how much trouble can he possibly cause?"
They other day she told me she now considers this a naïve statement.
So now I read in Washington Monthly that this is a trend. That Bush has made good on his "uniter not divider" promise and has firmly united many life-long republicans to vote with their feet. They are running headlong away from Bush certainly and the Republican party secondarily.
How frightening it must be right now to be a republican and know that your ship is being steered by Captain Peachfuzz.
What Me Alienate?
I have often said that life is about communication. Everything we learn, we learn from other people. In turn, it's our duty as human beings to communicate with others.
Our President is a horrible communicator and, therefore, in my mind, a horrible human. It's not that he's incapable of communication - that's true for many good people. It's that he has no willingness to communicate. I do not levy these charges lightly.
This bit of insight from Joe Biden and others is extremely telling. Mr. Bush has no desire to be a world citizen or a citizen whatsoever. He wants to be a leader. He wants to be powerful. He wants to be our strong father, never questioned, never emotional, always condescending.
You know you like to whip your bunny
At the beginning of the Easter season Ann sent me a quote which she uttered to her husband which basically said "Are we going to do the Christian thing and have the Easter Bunny come?" But, it seems that it would be more fitting to have Mr. Leather come for a good Christian Easter.
Oh, touch my bunny. Thanks to Mr. Blog for clueing me in.
Overcommitment
It seems we are well and truly overcommited now. We were warned. We watched the warnings. But then the new Survivor series came on, and then there was the "Your Fired" show, and now the last episode of friends. And we'd rather not be bothered having to think about Iraq so we just assume its going well. We're too busy doing important things. Tip from Atrios.
The US Broadband Shock
What amuses me most about this article from Bill Gurley is that it needed to be written.
It's all true and very well written. And it's been a shock to many people. That's what amuses me.
Americans assume that our companies will protect our interests. We assume we have the best of everything. Our ethic says these things go hand-in-hand. Then we are shocked when companies operate to serve their own best interests and that often these are not societies best interests.
Comment Switch
Not very exciting news, but I switched to Haloscan for my comments. I wanted tracebacks and CommentThis! seemed to be really slow sometimes.
Sinking, Jumping, Polling, Scratching
Kevin Drum wrote an interesting bit this morning about Bush's supporters starting to question his sanity and "Jumping Ship". The bizarre thing is that Bush supporters have always been jumping ship. They jumped with the fiscal irresponsibility. They jumped with the immigration fiasco. They jumped with lack of WMDs.
It seems like the Bush Supporter Hindenburg is raining people.
But, it seems like there is a limitless supply of people in that dirigible. Bush still leads in polls over Kerry (by 1%). With all the talk of Ship Jumping, he should be in negative numbers.
What I fear is that the pundits we all love to hate, all the republican senators we have villified, are all really pretty smart people with radically different world views than ours. So, they can make an informed decision that may fit with liberals from time-to-time. In other words, they can recognize then their boy has run amok.
But they don't elect people.
Just like last time, when Bush won without winning the votes, it's possible that this time he could win without winning the pundits or politicians. Bush understands that his supporters are just as disinterested in facts as he is. This is why he's still running political ads that even right wing commentators have debunked.
It's not that Bush doesn't care that he's lying. His entire strategy is not necessarily to lie, it's to entrench. If he says something he will never, ever back down.
To NASCAR fans, that works. It's butch. But in international relations, even Bill Frist would admit its not really the best tact.
This is the day of the expanding man
I am a member of Pho, an on-line community that discusses digital copyright and other issues. The list is made up of very respectable people on all sides of these issues and discussion is vehement. Often, with four or five concurrent threads, it can generate well over 160 emails a day.
Recently, we've had some discussion as to whether or not Pho should generate an RSS feed. There is one, but I'm not going to tell you where it is until the conversation has settled down a little.
But one of the list progenitors asked what our thoughts were on whether or not Pho should remain open. Here is my reply:
Open, here's why:
In the waking world, I've dealt with many organizations that have moved from a tiny idea to a massive movement in a very short period of time. The largest of these was the NAMES Project AIDS Memorial Quilt. I was the co-chair of the Seattle Chapter, my territory extended through Washington, Idaho, Montana and Alaska at one point.
It was utterly unpaid and by the time I left (after eight years), I had explored the concept of burnout in depth.
But the Quilt was both an organization and an idea. Its power spread through its expression. It was all viral marketing (no unfortunate pun intended). It encapsulated many views of a major world issue. It shocked many, but was able to get into places that one wouldn't guess. I took Quilt to receptive audiences at Sorority Houses, Teamsters Meetings and Baptist Churches.
In many ways very Pho is / can be like this.
The Quilt went through many stages and endured growing pains in many different ways. The specific ways are obvious (growing from something you can fit in a van to something that needs 40 rail cars to move for example) but most of them came with some paradigm shift. Do we have paid staff? Do we fund PSAs? Do we have regional coordinators? Do local chapters pay dues? Do we actively lobby in congress? Is so-and-so a good celebrity endorser, regardless of their intentions?
Paradigm shifts are scary, especially around growth. The major reason for this is that they all deal with loss of control for someone. When an organization reaches a certain size or point, it is bigger. More decision makers mean less relative power for an individual decision maker.
But as the organization grows, its message works its way deeper into the community. If the individual members of Pho didn't believe in their messages, we wouldn't have such lengthy discussions.
At present, the number of people using RSS to collect information is rather small. Indeed, anyone advanced enough to do so would likely join the list anyway because they'd likely have an opinion.
But the issues we are debating are worthy of a larger forum. And some people who lurk may wish an alternative that didn't fill up their Outlook.
In the future, RSS will be a major source of information exchange. Pho should be ready to spread our mayhem/wisdom via it and educate the public on _all_ the points of view on Pho. Our members are too well educated on this to deny the public and media. Current poster excluded, of course.
Splashing About in Multicultural Mud
Joi Ito writes a mini-rant that turns into a comment-fest about "acting your culture". I gotta comment somewhere in the soup.
What I like about Xeni
When you get sucked into a world where you focus on the negative, it is important to keep someone or something in your life that reminds you that it's still the same absurd foolishness that has been there since you were a kid. Very important, life threatening ... foolishness.
So when Xeni give me a headline like "Naked Sushi Meme Hits China, Everyone Freaks Out", I just have to rejoice.
And, yes, it worries me that part of sanity is tied to BoingBoing.
Signs from America
I am heartened by the signs I'm seeing from America lately.
In good Civilization III fashion, our populous is war weary and our anxiety level is commensurate with the unnecessary nature of this conflict.
But, beyond that, Americans seem to be waking up and fighting for their communities, their neighborhoods, the right of self rule. And the battleground is Wal*Mart.
Go to Google News and do a search for Wal*Mart and you will primarily find stories from Nebraska, California, Wisconsin, Illinois and other states of people fighting Wal*Marts.
Our president should take notice, this is indicative of Americans wanting to ensure that their communities stay whole. It takes a lot of energy and imagination to fight a Wal*Mart, much more than it takes to vote a president out of office.
And many of the issues are the same.
Wal*Mart claims to bring jobs - but they are all part time and no benefits.
Wal*Mart claims to help communities - but they undercut local businesses, add to the local tax burden by costing people jobs with health care, are often built with little regard to community impact for their huge tilt-up buildings and sea of parking asethetics
Wal*Mart claims to be super patriotic - but has been burned many times for phone "Made in America" labels.
Wal*Mart proponents claim that there are many jobs which raises tax revenues - but then turn around and give them tax breaks or other perks that functionally offset the revenues
The key here is that Wal*Mart and George Bush are a lot alike. They claim many things that are baldfacedly untrue. They are destructive. They claim to help people while stealing from them.
Mr. Bush should note that Americans are standing up to Wal*Mart. Could he be next?
Sure, but what have you spun for me lately?
Last week new employment numbers came out. The US gained 308,000 new jobs. There seems to considerable disagreement as to where those jobs are, however. Some people say that there were none in the manufacturing sector. Others say there were tons in the manufacturing sector.
What’s been interesting is that many are suddenly saying that the Bush tax cuts are “working”. Because after a very long period of basically only cutting taxes, that’s the only thing that they have to point to.
I am an investor and watch CNBC ever morning before heading out the door. I have been and remain utterly confused by their commentators’ not-directly-spoken-but-majorly-implied backing of Bush over Kerry. Stories about why Wall Street fears Kerry over Bush. Little comments they make.
As mentioned the other day, the Economist magazine – hardly a bastion of liberal thought – recognizes that on conservative economic grounds the Bush Administration is a disaster area. Please check out the link. The cover of the Economist is direct, sarcastic and inflammatory. Obviously, they feel strongly about Bush and his damaging effects on the world economy.
If you’ll notice, Bush is being attacked for what he claims Kerry will do. Spend lots of money. Wall Street should recognize, as this investor does, which party brought them the largest economic expansion in history, a balanced budget, a coherent defense policy, and better education. They should understand that a president who actually makes policy and doesn’t constantly invent issues to deflect scrutiny is preferable.
Tired of Loathing
During the days of the previous Bush Administration, I was in my 20s. I really didn't like George Bush, Sr. He was not as bad as his son. I spent most of the years the elder Bush was Glorious Leader being angry. Angry at his treatment of those with AIDS. Angry at his personal war. Angry at his bizarre economic policies.
Then, one day, he wasn't president any more. And I felt better.
Then I felt better.
For eight years, I was sometimes annoyed, but never angry.
When we took the NAMES Project AIDS Memorial Quilt to Washington, when Glorious Leader was in power, he (and I'm not making this up) ran to his helicopter and got the hell out of town. Now Fearless Leader, his son, is in power and showing the same level of compassion. And I find I'm angry again.
And, much as with the zine world of the pre-internet age, in that last time as I was angry, I am sitting here writing angry things into my blog. Today my entries, I'd like to think, are more balanced. More calm. More ... reasoned.
But I still find myself feeling anger at Bush, shame that my country follows him, and shock that he can be so blatant in his disregard for everything that freedom really means.
God I hope we only have six more months of this guy. I hate feeling this way.
This is what I'm on About
Atrios brought this to my attention.
This is entirely what I've been on about. This is an excellent piece by the Guardian. Again showing that the best political insight can be found in the British press, just as the Economist shows that the best free market analysis of the US economy comes from the same off-shore location.
This article details what no one in the US press is currently willing to say, that the Bush Administration's release of previously classified documents is clearly a policital punishment and an abuse of power. Our system is being utterly abused. What's funny is that during the Clinton administration it was abused in the other direction. At that time, every element at hand was employed to destroy the privacy of the white house. Now every element is used to destroy those who would question it.
These are the real issues that should be discussed.
True Crimes and Misdemeanors
George Bush is a liar, a criminal, a poor public speaker, inflammatory, a bad judge of character and a slacker who got lucky. He is a horrible president that fills me with shame. I will rejoice when he is no longer in office.
However.
There’s a lot of talk right now about whether or not George Bush was too soft on Terrorism during his first days in office. Is the relevant? Yes. But I don’t think that people are approaching this issue from its jugular.
Everyone is saying that if he did something earlier then people wouldn’t have flown planes into buildings. This is more than likely bullshit. Right now one could easily poison the entire Puget Sound if they so desired.
If people recall, after 9-11, a teenager flew a plan into a Florida office building. A small one. Destroyed an office on a weekend. But still, that wasn’t stopped either. And George Bush’s policies likely wouldn’t have prevented it.
I find the glee that partisan political folks have over surfacing facts that the Bush Administration didn’t have much of a terrorism policy before a major disaster more than a bit of Monday Morning quarterbacking.
The real issue here is that the Bush Administration had no coherent policies whatsoever, except to find an excuse to attack Iraq, to drill for oil in fragile ecosystems, to institute a rigid paternalistic education system and to have a tax cut. That was the entire breadth of the Bush agenda.
Their policies for obtaining these goals were to demand them and, when that didn’t work, lie about them.
This extends to this particular issue insomuch as the Bush Administration, comfortable in lying, is taking credit for doing things they never did. That is easy to prove. Easy to argue. And easy to understand. Liars are generally untrustworthy. Bush is a liar.
But to use this as a foil to say that the Bush Administration would have averted 9-11 if they had done more. That is impossible to prove, easy to argue against, and a sinkhole of debate. Items like this are argued on faith alone, which creates easy polarization and gets us nowhere.
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